May 7, 2012

The Pursuit

“The journey is the destination. The pursuit is more important than the destination. So long as you are moving, as long as you are working, that is the destination”

Came across this quote today and felt like sharing. For the most part, I don’t know where I’m headed, but I make sure it’s up. And I enjoy the heck out of the journey. With a passion for learning new things and experiencing new adventures, I can definitely say that I come across all sorts of perspectives that support me in my journey. I used to be scared of “not knowing.” Not knowing what I’ll become, where I will be, and how I will get there. but it’s okay not to know, I’m not the only one. And I’ve learned so much just by taking new heights in areas I hadn’t before.

Most of us think if we don’t have a point B, that we should stop and wait until we know our destination. I say get up and go, start your path, on your way you’ll notice how point B will appear on its own, and the journey will be a destination itself, as the quote says.

Peace&Love

Posted by on May 7, 2012 in Uncategorized and tagged , , , .

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April 26, 2012

Right Before The Finish Line

Let me explain…

I’ve been gone for a while. I have no excuse – I’m lying, I have plenty, just none worth sharing. I think I lost my mojo there for a bit. I couldn’t find inspiration for writing anything in a long time. Maybe it was stress. Or maybe that’s a term we use too frequently to justify our unhappiness or problems. Or to get out of a sticky situation: like why I have not posted in a long time…you know, that sort of stuff.
—

“Just when the caterpillar thought the world was over, it became a butterfly”

We are all like a caterpillar in some ways. Our cocoon is our comfort zone and we live in it careful not to step out for fear of losing all we “know”. Occasionally great things come our way that we find challenging or scary; things that challenge your perspective, your lifestyle, your choices, and sometimes your future. Most people dream of accomplishing things as a child that they later give up in life. I believe this happens because we let fear take over. So we sell out short, rather than sticking through. I have been in this position several times, where I hesitate to move forward with something thinking I couldn’t manage, or the good old I’m not good enough.

I’ll never forget a couple of semesters ago I received an incomplete for a course. All I had to do was hand in two papers to get my grade. I was too lazy to do them, even though I had completed all my other coursework for the class. Several months went by, and I mentioned it to a friend of mine who then forced me to go home and write them. I swear I cried hysterically for two hours . (I laughed afterwards realizing how stupid that was, but it took that release for me to then focus.) I also realized it wasn’t about the papers, I love writing, it was the idea of challenging myself to do something I wanted to give up on. My mind was set on just taking the F.

Though this was something small compared to some of the things we face in our lives, I couldn’t help but wonder: Why do we do this to ourselves? We give up right before we reach the finish line. It’s easy to fail and say you tried. Success is largely a matter of constantly taking new leaps with yourself. Embrace change and all the difficult times that come with it, soon you’ll look back at that old you and smile seeing how far you have come. Next time you feel like giving up when the going gets tough, just remember you could be one step away from becoming a butterfly.

Peace&Love


PS: In case you’re wondering, I ended up receiving an A for that course after handing in the assignments.

Posted by on April 26, 2012 in Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , , .

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March 19, 2012

A late night snack.

It’s quite impossible to grow while living in a shadow of the person you once were, the person people thought you were and especially who you thought you were.

The years go by and everyday brings new moments, new people, new experiences, new conversations, new thoughts. Our inevitable habit is to begin each day and pick up where we left off the day before. We live in our own shadow. The person we were yesterday, was just that, who we were. Everyday we are at choice to be different. Yet we choose to hold on by a string. We need this, don’t we? Some type of sustained and definite grip to something amidst all the unknown around us…

Before we know it, not much has changed.

I realize despite all the changes I’ve made, all the self-growth, all the risks and challenges…I was still holding on to something. That little judge in me slamming a hammer down everytime I made a mistake, every time I let my ego take over rather than my heart and my intuition. Every time I let fear run me rather than courage. Every time I let others tell me who I am.

It’s time to cut the string folks!

Embrace each day as a new you. Doesn’t have to be something crazy and big, just let life come to you, but understand you are at choice in every situation. That’s what determines your being. Not yesterday’s choices.

Peace&Love

Posted by on March 19, 2012 in Uncategorized and tagged , .

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March 1, 2012

More Than 60 Seconds.

Time is of essence to me. I am always looking at the time. I calculate the time it takes or will take to do something; mainly when I am commuting to work or school. I feel it is important to mention this, because as a mom who works and goes to school, you can understand how time is important. So when I tell you what I am about to tell you, you understand why I took the time to share.

I was on my way to drop off my daughter in daycare, and then go to work. I commute in bus and train, and I am usually on point with the time I need to catch the bus or train to make it to my destination. After getting off the bus I walk over to the train station, I arrive on the platform and pull out my phone to check the time, of course. A quick glance, and my screen says 8:58am. In the same moment, I hear the announcement on the platform saying my train is two stations away. Soon enough my train pulls up to the platform, and I climb in with my daughter. Once again, I pull out my phone to check the time…assuming it’s a little past 9am…it said 8:59am.

If you are a New Yorker, you might already understand how this is quite impossible. A train that is two stations away at 8:58am will not arrive by 8:59am. I must’ve been on that platform for about 4 minutes, at least, before my train arrived. I took a second and third look at my phone. And even looked up to the time displayed on the train, still 8:59am. Was it possible that maybe I miscalculated the 4 minutes I “thought” I waited for my train? Maybe. But I am almost 100% sure it was not just one minute!

It was like time froze for 60 seconds. I got on the train wanting to ask someone what just happened. I felt confused, and not to mention crazy. Maybe I thought I saw 8:58am but it was really 8:56am. But the more I thought about it, the crazier I felt.

I couldn’t stop contemplating this moment for the rest of that day. In life, we always want to ‘catch a break’…we ask for more time in our day, more days in our week, to get those little things done that we never have time to do. I thought to myself, is this what it’s like to catch a break? I sure didn’t ask for it at that moment. I thought, could I give it back and save it for another time when I’m running late, perhaps?

We all believe we have control of time and we always think we have more time. More time to fix our mistakes, to tell the people we love what they mean to us, to start changing who we are, to go for our goals…

Now, maybe I was confused. But that day I had more than 60 seconds. 60 seconds someone didn’t have. And it made me think about my relationship with time…and adding value to it. Next time you have a minute, do something with it. Because time almost always never freezes, and 60 seconds can be more than enough.

Peace&Love

Posted by on March 1, 2012 in Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , , .

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February 28, 2012

A small recollection…

Relationships are tricky. They create a level of comfort that changes the way in which we see the world around us. And when they end, they leave a window open where memories swim in and out of (unwillingly for the most part). We have all types of relationships: with our parents, siblings, friends, lovers, etc. The way we are in relationship with the people in our lives sets a standard for how we think it “should” be. For example, the way we are in relationship with our parents, allows us to judge how others are in relationship with their own; and so forth.

This standard of relationships we set is hard to break free from. As humans we are always evolving and part of the way we survive is by assimilating and adapting to our surroundings. This includes the people we encounter in our lives…in some mystical way we are all interconnected and we embody a piece of every person who has crossed our path. In our efforts to ‘erase’ all traces of someone in our lives, we forget that in some way, we will always be a bit of that person we once were while being in relationship to someone else.

Everything our parents have taught us remains with us throughout life. All the new things you learned while hanging out with friends and their families, also sticks with you. All the moments you and your significant other took to learn each others habits…Yes, this is all part of relating to people.

After all we learn and grow by connecting with others and sharing perspectives.

Everyone that comes into our lives whether by default, unexpectedly or by choice can leave the same way. We create memories with them based on our shared interests, ideologies, and experiences. We get so comfortable so easily. But what happens when we are no longer in relationship with these people we were once comfortable with? When we are suddenly left “alone” with our thoughts, actions and beliefs. Do we start over and live new experiences?

That’s the thing about people, there is no reset button for our memories…

We carry our memories even when people exit our lives, or we exit theirs. Our memories serve as a gateway to recall our past and as a virtual stepping stone from which we build on.

With a small recollection of your past, live forward.

Peace&Love

Posted by on February 28, 2012 in Uncategorized and tagged , , , .

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February 14, 2012

Reminder of Love

Let me not to the marriage of true minds
Admit impediments. Love is not love
Which alters when it alteration finds,
Or bends with the remover to remove:
O no! it is an ever-fixed mark
That looks on tempests and is never shaken;
It is the star to every wandering bark,
Whose worth’s unknown, although his height be taken.
Love’s not Time’s fool, though rosy lips and cheeks
Within his bending sickle’s compass come:
Love alters not with his brief hours and weeks,
But bears it out even to the edge of doom.
If this be error and upon me proved,
I never writ, nor no man ever loved.

Sonnet 116 – Shakespeare

I fell in love with this sonnet immediately after reading it for the first time. It is a constant reminder of why I love love. Love is finding beauty in everything around you: the people you know, the things you are passionate about, and yourself of course. Yet, love itself is so fulfilling you don’t need to have anything physically around you to feel its presence in your soul. Simply knowing that I am capable of loving deeply is enough to understand the power of love. For some, love can mean pain, disappointment, insincerity, or even deceit; for these people love is a feeling they cannot possibly enjoy. Life has shown them another definition.

Today, Valentine’s Day, is considered more of a consumer holiday rather than a reminder of true love. Nevertheless, there are still people out there who celebrate today as just that, a reminder of true love. I’ll never forget these words: “Love is a stand, not a feeling.”

So for all my lovers, couples, and sweet valentine’s out there…give love, be love, and stand for love with everyone you meet and everything you see. Not just today, but everyday.

Happy Valentine’s Day!

Peace&Love

Posted by on February 14, 2012 in Uncategorized and tagged , .

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January 27, 2012

Letting Go

Going a little contrary to my last post, (about routine being fun and all), I want to discuss the attachment we, or rather I, have with order. I make up in my head that things are supposed to go a certain way. For example, how my day is going to be, how people will relate to me, how I will relate to people, and so on. It’s rather tragic for the most part, these “great expectations” as I like calling them; mainly because of course life is quite unexpected and when things don’t go as planned, I feel lost and confused.

You see, when my mind’s gears get going, I start setting up this order…of how things should go. However, I never tell others my plan, making this order even more impossible to attain. Last year, I was a person who was terrified of change. In all sense of the word. But to make a long story short, I have changed the way I look at change, if you will. It became my friend. What I realized more recently is that as well as I have adapted to things shifting around, in my head, I still keep order. I still set up expectations and get attached to them.

I also noticed I sort of implement this on my daughter. We each grabbed pizza for lunch the other day, and as usual I cut her slice into small pieces. She wanted to pick and choose which pieces she ate, and I kept trying to tell her to eat the bottom pieces and work her way up. After quite a struggle from her part, I caught on, and said to myself, “Wow, you’re nuts! Let go of ‘the order’ of things…let go…let go…”

I realized, if I let go more often, maybe I would use up more of my time applying new methods of doing things, rather than being attached to my own. Lesson learned, now to apply it! (‘Cause that’s the hardest part after noticing)

By the way, as if the universe was already working with me, I checked my “daily word” on my dictionary app on my phone that same day, and guess what word popped up?…

 

OK, I got the message!

Stay tuned for part two, what happens when you learn to let go…

Peace&Love

Posted by on January 27, 2012 in Uncategorized and tagged .

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January 24, 2012

Who Said Routine Can’t Be Fun?

Say Cheese!

I love getting my daughter ready for bed. Something about this particular routine gives me a warm feeling. I start by giving her a warm bath. She loves it. As soon as I say bath time, she runs to the bathroom and begins to undress. It’s adorable the way she huffs and puffs struggling to pull her shirt over her head, or her socks off her little feet. I let her, she has this “I can do it” attitude. Then, when she is done undressing, I lift her up to place her in the tub. Her little legs wiggling in the air as I do so. I watch her lovingly as she plays in the water, and soon begins to rub her eyes. It is time for bed.

All shriveled up!

After her bath time, it’s time to dry up! The cold air hits her tiny body as I lift her out of the tub (legs wiggling in the air once again).  I wrap her in her towel like a burrito, she squirms as I place her on my bed. Time to put on her jammies!

Leyanna loves getting into her pajamas. She is at that stage where she picks out what clothes she wants to wear. I remember being this way when I was younger. We went to the mall once and she picked out these polka-dot and striped pajamas. They were adorable. She has good taste.

Being shy

I take a photo of her once she’s in her pj’s, she starts getting all shy. She’s not used to me snapping photos before bed, so she asks curiously, “Mommy what you doing?”

Every time I snap a photo of Leyanna, I ask her to say cheese. She almost always smiles, but most of the time she does this cute thing, where she says cheese but keeps the most serious face. I love it!

Soon she wants to grab the camera herself and take photos of me. I found this a great opportunity to show her how a camera works, and how to take a picture.

So I handed her the camera and began my Taking a Photo 101 (for babies) lesson.

Too high!

She got the hang of it after a few tries…

I laughed out loud when I saw this shot! She would burst into giggles when she would press and hold the button and see that the flash would go off, (causing the camera to move), so I told her to stay still.

Too low!

And try again…

Of course, that didn’t work. This time she cut off my head and instead her feet were in the shot. Next, I tried showing her to look at the camera screen before taking the picture, so she can see that my face was in the shot. I never thought it would feel so awkward to show someone how to use a camera, after all it is 2012. (oh, right, and we’re talking about a two-year old)!

I went along with my lesson, and when I thought she understood, I let her try one last time…

Photo by Leyanna:)

And there you have it, the perfect shot. Third time’s the charm! I think Leyanna did well for a 101 lesson. (I look pretty good, too, I might add)

She fell asleep quickly after her first picture-taking lesson, and all the giggles in between. I love moments like these with my daughter. Truly blessed!

Peace&Love

Posted by on January 24, 2012 in Uncategorized.

7 Comments

January 9, 2012

Blissful Ignorance…

She does not know it is a brand new year. To her, every moment is new and she lives it as so. Live the moments!

Posted by on January 9, 2012 in Uncategorized.

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December 25, 2011

Ending of a New Beginning

I am smart, silly, funny, sexy, loving, and honest. I can also be cold, judgmental, impulsive, lazy, and rebellious. Yet, I’ve learned to love every part of myself. Somehow all these qualities have me here today, reminiscing the moments of this year…the moments I’ll never forget, and the moments I wish I could.

I came across challenges in all relationships: family, intimate, friends, and especially my relationship with myself. I went through ups and downs picking myself up from one hole only to fall in another. It felt like a nightmare I desperately wanted to wake up from. Except it was no nightmare, and everyday I had to find ways to push through.

But no matter how deep I thought I was, I always came back up. I didn’t always make the right decisions, or the best ones, and I can be a victim of my own story at times. I wasn’t always proud of the way I handled things, or at times chose not to deal with things at all. I can only say that after every dark hole, I would find a new light within myself, to guide me through my next challenge. As cliché as it is and it may not always feel as though, but, everything happens for a reason.

Therefore, I am thankful for everything that occurred this year, good or bad. Many times I would find lessons behind my misfortunes, blessings behind my despair, and love behind my indifference. That is why this year will be tabbed as a favorite chapter in my life.

On the last night of 2010, I remember making a toast and wishing to be happy this year. At the time, my definition of happiness was to not have any problems. I learned you cannot define a word by saying what it is not. Happiness to me is choosing to be happy despite my circumstances. It is finding joy in the moment, confidence in my accomplishments, and peace in chaos. The universe works its mysterious ways, because my wish to be happy became my lesson in how to find happiness.

As this year reaches an end, I only look forward to more self-growth, new moments with my daughter, the company of great friends, Love, and everything that may come in between!

Always count your blessings, they remind you of what really matters. And face your battles, but also surrender to them when you need to.

Cheers! to 2011, a year of amazing-ness, love, and abundance!

Bring on the new year!!

HAPPY HOLIDAYS!

Peace&Love

Posted by on December 25, 2011 in Uncategorized.

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